Morning!

My 'It's OK to' article has just been published on Mumazine!

Here it is:

http://www.mumazine.com/article/2014/02/05/its-ok

It's OK to...

Care for your baby via a process of elimination

You will be told - a lot - by various well-meaning people that you'll understand your baby's cry and what they mean - it's the 'mothering instinct'.

It's certainly one thing - guff. And it just serves to make you feel as though all other new mums are blithely deciphering their beloved's shrieks with more skill than the Bletchley Park codebreakers.

Yes, your baby's cries will become more distinguishable for different things as time goes on, but no, this doesn't seem to happen immediately.

Generally, it's likely to be one of four things – hunger, wet nappy, cuddles or tiredness. That's what you have to work with and, while you work it out, rest assured that you can never give your baby enough cuddles. And sometimes, that's all they need. Eventually, everyone's happy, for the next 30 minutes, at least...

Be a bit fat!

Wearing your maternity clothes and tucking your tummy into your pants for more than a couple of months after your baby has been born is perfectly normal. I repeat. Perfectly. Normal.

Our bodies are amazing things and have done a lot of Superwoman stretching recently, but not snapping back to being a Twiglet days after giving birth? Normal. Despite what countless celebrities and media would have you believe.

Everything takes time, including getting back to yourself, post-birth.

So ditch anything that makes you feel less than yourself. Which admittedly can be hard when all you can seem to have the energy to focus on is a trashy mag or the Column of Shame in the Daily Mail but it's worth trying.

You've kept your baby safe for nine months within all the cushioning of your extra padding and the stretched skin that inevitably accompanied it. Essentially, your body has nourished them, helped them to grow and given them the best possible start in the world. Which is anything but normal.

Miss things

Such as the gaping chasm where decent sleep used to be and your carefree, pre-baby life. The desire for sleep in the early days gets as bad as a drug addict's – you will be Jonesing for even the smallest hit before you know it.

While your friends who had babies before you would try and explain the level of tiredness, you don't really get it until you're in it.

And be honest – did you think they were moaning, just a bit? After all, we all get tired. Ahem.

Along with this sleep deprivation comes a deep, newfound appreciation of all single mothers, everywhere. They're absolutely blinking brilliant women who do it all on half again the precious amount of sleep those in a partnership get.

Take your time.

Ask questions (write them down if you're concerned you'll forget) and don't be rushed at any doctor, nurse or midwife appointment.

It's your prerogative. Don't understand? Ask again. Don't agree? Challenge them.

Think your baby is ill and you're being fobbed off? Draw on your last reserves of strength, galvanise your sleep-deprived brain and hold your ground. Bear in mind that last year, 50 per cent of babies who had meningitis were sent home by their doctor. No one – and I repeat no one – trumps you as a Mummy (or Daddy). Trust your gut.

Be sensitive to those less fortunate.

Yes, your beautiful, amazing child has changed everything in your world and made it stop, but everyone else's life continues regardless - plus spare a thought for those who wanted a child just as much as you but haven't been as lucky yet (yes, that's you uber-Facebook broadcaster about every parp and peep). Tread softly, because you tread on their dreams.

Feel the love

To your baby, you are perfect. You will never have felt love like it – from the first smile that you know definitely isn't wind to the hundreds of other firsts that make up the amazing quirks of their personality – it's a bond that will last a lifetime. It may take a while to reciprocate – some of my best, most loving friends, were still reeling days and even weeks after the birth, beating themselves up about not feeling 'the rush'. It. Will. Come. And when it does – hold tight!

Accept help

Take all and any help offered and be shameless in asking if you need more. Past the initial first couple of rollercoaster weeks of exhaustion and hormonal craziness, if you're still feeling low and suspect you're not going to come up from the bottom anytime soon, see your doctor. Know that recognising you're not coping is one of the bravest things you can do and everyone is in the same boat – no one copes that well to begin with and anyone who says otherwise is, frankly, lying.

Take on the world

You've given birth - think what else you can do! You're unstoppable. To paraphrase Sheng Wang's joke: You don't need to grow a pair of balls - they're weak and vulnerable. Far tougher is a vagina. They can really take a pounding!